Wednesday, November 01, 2006

When did I become such a wimp?

Dave's away for a couple of days, and, I hate to admit it, but I'm kinda lonely. It's not that I've had nothing to do, or that I mind that he's away, it's that I'm sappy and apparently wimpy in ways I haven't been before.

I hear a noise and am a bit edgy. The cats or dogs react to it, I'm even edgier. There's a knock at the door? Meh don't feel too much like answering. The dehumidifier switches on and off and it catches me off guard. I even locked the screen doors before the deadbolts for some reason tonight. (Like that one extra step will make any difference to anyone who actually wants to break in... hmm I was willing to break through the deadbolt, but this flimsy screen door? Oh man, that'd take, what, 15 seconds to get through! I just don't have that kind of time!)

I'm even talking to the animals more, and with way too much detail ("ok guys, I think it's time to bed. How about you head on upstairs now"). The phone's beside the bed, and contrary to all conservation measures I'm thinking about leaving a light on (In my defense it'd be a compact flourescent bulb, and I didn't say I was actually going to do it).

I lived on my own for years before we moved in together, and never disliked it. In fact I had a blast living on my own (with the cats of course) and never saw much of a down side to it. Actually, I did hate living with one roommate but she was bipolar, off her medication, violent, had a string of men over every night that would make most porn stars blush, and also had a touch of the cuckoo. Otherwise I was fine. Never batted an eye.

Tonight? I'm kinda putting off going to bed knowing there isn't someone to play heat vampire* with (unless I let the dogs sleep on the bed, which is NOT going to happen given the likely result is I'd be crushed in my sleep). There's no arms to lay in, no feet to get intertwined with.

I hate the idea of being dependent on someone else, and have always been comfortable being on my own, but I have to admit, all of a sudden I don't like it.

I guess it's good news that there's a very low probability that I will be a victim of a dutch oven tonight.

*wherein me, the constantly cold person acts like a vampire sucking heat from Dave, who is always warm


TB said...

I can totally relate to this. Jeff travels for work pretty often, for a week at a time and I sleep with the phone and keys next to my bed and have long conversations with the cats.

roro said...

Heather, I am right there with you. Katr goes away (or is in Vancouver) and I've got the phone by the bed, freaking out over little noises - and that's when I was in our condo, 9 floors up with a security guard downstairs. Now I'm staying in the basement of a little bungalow and my roommate stayed at her boyfriend's place the last two nights. So I basically stayed up until I fell asleep. So now I'm real productive. But the dutch oven thing - definitely consoling.

sweatpantsmom said...

I love being alone, but I have to admit anything over a couple of days gets lonely. That and the fact that then there's only ME to get up and get the girls their water in the middle of the night...

(Dutch Oven? Now THERE'S a new one.)

Heather said...

TB: I think the animals think I've gone looney tunes.

roro: Yikes! I can barely stomach going to our basement when he's gone, let alone sleeping in one! If you need to escape head to the 'shwa - we can be chickenshits missing our sweeties together.

sweatpantsmom: I used to love being alone and balked at the "he's gone for TWO days" people, but now? I kinda see their point.

Sarah Marie said...

I clicked my way here from NBB. That was a great description of missing someone/being in love. I find I miss my boyfriend most at bedtime. Am I the only one who didn't know what a dutch oven was? I will *not* be sharing that definition with my bf!!! Sounds like something he would do, especially if he knew it already had a funny name.

Heather said...

Sarah Marie: Yes, never tell him of dutch ovens. His amusement will last far longer than yours will, believe me.

Teena said...

I loved living on my own. The hardest part about getting married again was having someone live with me again. It took me about nine months to adjust. Ha!

As much as I love having Gord around now (he's a furnace at night so my feet stay warm!), I do enjoy when he goes away so I can be on my own again, even if it's just for a day or so.

Heather said...

Teena: I loved it too, and it took me a while to get used to living with Dave, but now? I wouldn't go back.