Sunday, November 05, 2006

Dear Costco Parking Lot Person who spilled a large quantity of oil,

I'm pretty sure you must have realized that you made an oil slick when it happened. It'd be pretty hard to spill what looked like a litre of oil onto pavement without noticing. So I'm guessing you realized what you did.

Thanks so much for not cleaning it up! That was truly something fantastic. It's not like there aren't giant sand containers at costco for the winter season, not 100 feet from where you poured oil onto the pavement. I have trouble imagine being clumsy enough to spill that much oil (and I am truly a clumsy person), but I appreciated the surprise slipperiness that my shoes normally don't have. It was just like when Wiley Coyote gets a shipment of marbles all over the highway. No wonder that stuff keeps engines going friction-free!

I'm used to grippy running shoes, with traction and stuff, and man was having no traction really fun when packing the car up today with costco sized packages. Because you know they only sell things in small quantities at costco. It was really fun slipping every time I tried to put something in the back seat of the car. Even brushing my foot against the pavement didn't help, because it was smooth enough to just make a larger surface slippery.

It was really great timing too, since I wasn't home when it happened. This left me with a choice of wearing my favourite black heels (which really can't be worn with jeans without risking being pulled aside by the fashion police) or oil slicked runners. As much as I love my running shoes, I'm happy to admit they won't win any beauty prizes. They're 100% function over form. Now, they're an environmental hazard and I'm stuck scrubbing them down with TSP (trisodium phosphate) in the hopes of getting them clean again.

So thanks, careless person. Thanks for the environmental damage you've managed to do, and thanks for not cleaning it up. I'm sure the life in our waterways will appreciate the 'slick' new look you've given them.

Sincerely,
Crankypants McSlip'n'slide

5 comments:

something blue said...

Whew! I'm so glad you didn't fall down and seriously injure yourself.

I sometimes think the Fashion Police have Sundays off.

wordgirl said...

Careless/thoughtless people. Think about how pleasant this world would be if everyone cleaned up their own messes, instead of leaving them for others.

Heather said...

Something blue: I love it! Sundays off! I'm so borrowing that! I have no idea that with my clumsiness and the oil that I didn't fall and end up with an oil slick on my ass.

Wordgirl: Cheers!

Teena said...

It's a good thing you or someone else didn't slip on it. Why are people so lazy and non-caring??!!

K said...

i mean these are the same kind of people that were doing their jobs during the whole exxon-valdez incident; i guess they just practice in the costco parking lot.