Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Dear Air Conditioning Repair Dudes,

We called you because it was a bajillion degrees outside the other day, and, funny enough our A/C (the one that came with the house and is practically new and was given a clean bill of health by two different inspectors less than a year ago) wasn't working.

So, you get here, you putz around, tell us it's the thermostat within 15 minutes and leave with our cheque for $100. Gee thanks. So very helpful of you. You want $300 to find out what's wrong with the almost new thermostat? I think we'll pass, thanks.

Dave then spends the entire afternoon playing "which wire goes where" on our lovely programmable thermostat, but still! No workey!

We think "maybe it's the thermostat itself!" even though it's only a few months old. Return it to crappy tire and try a replacement one, but funny enough, still no workey.

Buy an entirely new thermostat, thinking maybe it's the brand. Install it. Still no workey! Blood pressure rising.

We call again about the whole "100% customer satisfaction guarantee." Yeah, not satisfied here. In fact, highly dissatisfied. I'm no rocket surgeon, but after two new thermostats, I'm guessing it's not the thermostat. Thanks for the misleading information though, which led to us spending two days trying to get three different thermostats to work! We have nothing better to do, really!

You say you'll happily send someone to repair it and all will be tickety-boo within 4 hours. Great! We like tickety-boo.

We wait, not leaving the house lest someone shows to give us AC again. After five hours, we call. It's dark out. Is someone coming or did we just waste an entire night waiting around for nothing? After 11:00pm someone called and said they'd come tomorrow, while neither of us are home. Thanks jackasses!

So far this story doesn't have an ending where the AC works yet. But, it may end in some punchey punchey if it's not fixed tomorrow.

And, not to start a theme with every post about me somehow injuring myself, but I'm a klutz. And, everyone likes to laugh at the klutz. Be forewarned, though. The loveliness and excitement of owning a sleek black Starfrit Supreme Slicer should NEVER cloud your judgment when using it. This will lead to situations where you are excitedly slicing zucchini to grill lovingly on the BBQ, basted with olive oil and salt, and decide to slice it JUST ONCE without the fancy guard on it to see how it works. This excitement WILL LEAD TO DISASTER. The directions even say, in several languages, that you shouldn't even think about using it without the handle to hold whatever you're slicing.

Dave now calls it the manicure machine. Luckily I have all my digits, but one of my fingers will be hurting for a few days. I'm starting to think the blog should be subtitled "public confessions of a klutzy moron."

But MAN does grilled zucchini (two colours of it!) taste wicked good, and it was totally worth the pain. I was so excited at how much nicer the zucchini turns out when you use the fancy-pants machine that I made oven fries, which were also wicked good if I do say so myself. I was so excited I bought yams today to I can make my wicked cajun lime sweet potato fries. Yeah, 'cause turning on the oven for forty minutes when it's a bajillion degrees outside and your A/C isn't working is a GREAT idea.


I can now officially confirm that writing 40 thank-you notes for wedding shower gifts and printing and addressing wedding invites, reply cards, and directions for 150 people WILL turn your brain to a wet, chewed up newsprint consistency, and, not being able to find one measly envelope you know you've addressed or a roll of stamps will lead to an urge to punch things and/or cry. I don't recommend anyone try it. But, glad to have those monkeys largely off our backs!


roro said...

Oh, man. No A/C? I would have beaten the A/C guys about the head with my Starfrit Supreme Slicer until I heard that sucker kick into action! And then I would have grilled that zucchini! Mmm - grilling . . .

Of course, I'm just talking big. I'm the one who listened to two doctors when they told me to "ride out" the amoebic dysentery. No more "professionals" for me!! Except tarot card readers, I guess - those folks really know their stuff.

Hope the A/C kicks in soon!

ElaineMI said...

Heather, I usually don't correct another's spelling (because I've been known to misspell a few words myself....ie....Sombolia) Anyhoot, what I'm getting at is this: Did you really mean to say PUBIC confessions or did you forget the L?

Just curious.

Heather said...

roro: Hah! If only I'd thought of the slicer. After all day arguing with them, Dave put a stop to the cheque. That'll fix 'em! Now we're in "must-not-touch-phone" mode waiting for another company to call - so far they're half the price of moron Inc.

ElaineMI: Yeah apparently writing posts at night just doesn't work out so hot. Guess I'll be getting some dirty searches on my site meter. Thanks for pointing it out, I'm off to destroy any evidence it was misspelled in the first place."

DebbieDoesLife said...

I want one. But, I am a little skeered. I always cut myself on things like that. Did you use it without the guard or what??? Didn't alarms go off or anything when you went to use it without the guard?

How hot could it be? You're in freakin' Canada??

elaine said...

Debbie does life: Frickin hot! Right now it's gorgeous about 22 degrees Celcius (don't ask me fahrenheit), but there have been days where with the humidity it can feel like 33-35 degrees celcius.


Kristin said...

That is pure evil... those A/C dudes are BAD!!!

sunshine scribe said...

No AC?!?! Oh I feel for you

And I take solice in the fact (quite selfishly) that you might be the only person I know how is more of a klutz than I am. Hope the fingers heal soon!

mamatulip said...

Too bad you weren't pregnant. Our a/c crapped completely last summer -- during an insufferable heat wave. I was 38 weeks pregnant. When Dave called the company he was told that nobody could come out for about two weeks. Then Dave told him I was hugely pregnant, and someone came the next day and installed a whole new system.

Heather said...

debbiedoeslife: yeah it can get over 100F up here in the summer.

Kristin: They are bastards!

Sunshine Scribe: yeah I'm pretty klutzy... but the finger is looking much better.

Mamatulip: I see the benefit of the excuse but am definitly not ready to be using it in real life!