Thursday, June 29, 2006

Anatomy of a break-in

Last Saturday I was lucky enough to have my mum, sister, and bridesmaids host a wedding shower for me at my parent's place. After all the renovations they've done to their house I barely recognized it (they put balloons out front just in case I didn't). Before the shower Dad and I hit the farmer's market to find someone we could buy gladiolas from for the wedding.

I had friends rent cars to drive from Ottawa, friends who left in the wee hours of the morning to catch the train from Toronto and friends and future family who drove up from Windsor (4 1/2 hours away!), Burlington, and parts in between.

When the invites went out I was kinda uncomfortable with the whole "here! show up and buy me stuff" thing that goes along with showers, so I asked people to consider making donations to their favourite charities, which some people did, and I think it really added to the shower. (Plus, I got cool stuff too!)

After the shower I went out with friends in TO (who I don't see often enough) where we had a great Thai dinner (man was I hungry) and came home exhausted. I was asleep shortly after we got the highway (luckily Dave was driving)

I already knew something was up for Sunday. There were only so many times my mum and sister could tell me about a possible "mother of the bride" dress from my mum and sister before I decided to call their bluff and they finally fessed up. Turns out my parents' families were hosting another shower for us, and I had to be there shortly.

I'll admit to being weirded out being made the centre of attention, but it was so cute to see my cousins' kids running from the laneway to the house to alert everyone that my sister and I were there. Wasn't it just last year I was the one running out the laneway to say "they're here!"? They were all so cute in their little sundresses. When I was a kid I hated it when grown-ups said "oh my you're growing" or "I can't believe how big you are" so I won't say that about my little cousins, but man, the years fly by. My great aunt even made a corsage for me to wear!

We got lots of fantastic stuff for the house that we desperately needed. It'll be so nice to be drinking out of things other than our 3 plastic ikea cups, drink wine out of non-acrylic wine glasses*, do laundry with baskets that don't cut our hands, make toast in a toaster that won't burn it, and play with our new salad spinner (what a great toy!). I'm still working on thank you cards.

After the shower we went to visit my grandfather who's been ill and in hospital lately, and my mum and sister drove me back to my place. When we got there I realized I forgot my purse at my grandparents' place, more than an hour away.

I could have survived wallet-less, but in my purse were the keys to the house. I also knew Dave was out with friends, more than an hour away. A car full of shower gifts, my mum and my sister needing to go home, and no way into the house.

Luckily, our kitchen window at the back of the house was open, so I borrowed a neighbour's ladder to break in. The kitchen window is the very top corner of this picture. Notice how non-close to the ground it is.

The ladder barely reached. So, I ditched my flipflops and asked my mum and sister not to make fun of my undies which were plainly visible up my skirt as I climbed the ladder. I managed to pry the screen off, and gingerly reached one leg through the window.

Ah but the other twist here is that the kitchen floor is a good jump down from the window, which is about 4 1/2 feet off the ground. So, while straddling the window sill, I was figuring out how to get my ample butt through it, and do so without falling and knocking myself unconscious by hitting my head on the stove. Fun times.



All the while Rhett the cat was in the kitchen meowing at me like "Hey! I'm hungry! Hey! You're home! Hey! I'm hungry! Hey! You're home! Hey! I'm hungry!"

The ridges on the window sill left giant purple zebra stripe bruises on my leg, I think 6 in all. I scraped my elbow, but all was well, and my sister and mum were free to go, no longer stuck waiting around and holding the ladder while I apologized for my stupidity.

I don't talk about my job much on my blog. There are TONS of hilarious stories that happen in court, but the whole solicitor-client privilege thing gets in the way of me telling them. (Stupid ethics.) In any event, I now have new-found respect for people who are charged with break & enter into a dwelling house to commit an indictable offense and charges like that, because, man, that's hard work!

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*I know this is indefensible. I am a wine snob. But, when most of my wine glasses fell victim to "moving" last year and we hadn't bought new ones.

7 comments:

Nancy said...

I am glad you had fun at the shower. You are the bride, you absolutely deserve to be pampered -- but it's a weird feeling, isn't it?

It's a good thing you were able to break in, huh? I hope your bruises have healed! ;-)

sunshine scribe said...

Having done a similar thing but ended up with stiches a few years ago, I echo your empathy for the average breakin theif. he he. Congrats on all the loot and I love your idea of having some of your guests make a charitable donation in your name.

Heather said...

Nancy: a VERY weird feeling. Bruises are still there but at least are starting to fade at the edges.

Sunshine Scribe: Stiches? Yikes! I guess our careers as criminals are over beforethey began! It ended up being a really nice touch to the shower. How many people can say they got a Wombat at the Zoo for their shower? :P

Jay said...

Ah, showers. So corny and yet so cute.

Sorry you had to break into your own home. It really makes you rethink furniture placement, doesn't it? But then, you don't want to make things too handy for the real burglars, do you?

mama_tulip said...

Man, I have had to break into my house several times, but nothing that left any visible wounds. Yuck.

Glad you had a good time at your shower!

Heather said...

Jay: Yeah showers are odd gatherings, but it was nice to see everyone. nt sure we could really improve furniture placement here given that our house is postage-stamp sized.

Mama_Tulip: Tshe wounds are healing, slowly but surely.

Her Bad Mother said...

Dude. When I saw the title of your post I prepared for gasping. Then I laughed. Way to go.

I used to be ace at breaking in. A necessity with the strict curfew that my parents imposed - I had to get out, and so I had to literally get out, and in, somehow.