Sunday, March 26, 2006

A hair-brained scheme

I've complained before about the amount of pet hair in our house. It's ridiculous, almost unbelievable. We have dog hair tumbleweeds rolling across our floors no matter how often we sweep, vacuum, or mop them. It's bad enough that I think the hair tumbleweeds get some secret pleasure torturing me and jumping out just when I think I've gotten them all. To make it worse they seem to all congregate together and know just when we have people over to give the impression that we've never heard of this new fangled thing called "cleaning" or we're trying to re-enact a prairie field in the dirty thirties.

I have, however, thought of a genius way to make some moulah out of our hair tumbleweeds. [Well actually Dave thought of it, but I'm claiming it as my own.]

I think we should use collect the excess hair from the dogs to make Santa Claus beards for mall Santas. The hair is soft, and it's probably long enough to be able to make a pretty decent fake beard. Any stray black or golden hairs could be ones that just hadn't turned white yet, making our dear mall Santa look more authentic, maybe even a bit younger. Santa can blame the dog smell on reindeer, cause really, could you tell the smell difference between reindeer and dog? I think it'd add a great touch of authenticity really.

I have no idea how much a real-looking Santa beard would go for but I am sincerely hoping it'll be enough to help us out with our early retirement plan (which so far is made up of us crossing our fingers when buying lottery tickets). I figure each dog could churn out six beards each per season, maybe eight in the spring (ie now) cause of all the extra shedding. Anyone know how much a deluxe Santa beard goes for nowadays? I have high hopes.


DebbieDoesLife said...

Hopefully, the dude isn't allergic to dog hair. Great idea though. Maybe you could start stuffing pillows too? Or even better, what about for guys who have lost their hair?? Put some velcro or something on it and voila! Hair!

Sara said...

I knew a girl that I kayaked with who made pillows stuffed with shredded newspaper.

She also gave people a pound of butter every time she lost a pound. Some kind of symbolism thing.

Anyway, dog hair is better than newspaper, so maybe debbie has an idea.