As though wallpaper on ceilings (which sounds to me as horrific as snakes on planes!) weren't bad enough, I realized that lost in the translation (and my ranting) is a very important fact not known to most people.
Dave's 5'7 and I'm 5'5 (ok probably only 5'4 but I really wanna be taller, so lemme win just this time).
So a recap:
For anyone who might be in the market, I have just one tip about buying a house. It's very simple. I'll even put it in bold, and all caps.
NEVER BUY A HOUSE THAT HAS WALLPAPER ON THE CEILING. NEVER.
NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER.
No matter how pretty the house is, or how perfect it is otherwise. Run away. Do not buy it, simply run away. Such wallpaper is the work of the devil. It will cause you to invent swear words at an alarming rate. It will not only defy gravity butall laws of decorating decency, and mock you as it stays in place despite your hacking at it with a scraper and dousing it with vinegar and water.
This is even more the case when the previous owner who did this work (now known colloquially as "fucknut" or "jerkface" or "asshat") put a fresh coat of polyfill down before putting the wallpaper up, WITHOUT ANY PRIMER so now it just becomes on sticky, gooey, annoying, piss-off.
For now, I'll get back to my margarita breakfast (yes, really) before the dogs are successful at drinking it on me (yes, they've tried), and back to stripping wallpaper off the ceiling and helping Dave with the re-plastering job, which, when it is done, dried, and sanded, we will paint and prime like normal people.
